Realizing we will eventually have to say "Good-bye"

On Friday my husband and I headed down to St. Louis for the weekend. We had some business stuff to do, and while we were there we went to the zoo.

The trip started off as they all do, wrong. We got a flat tire about 2 hours from our destination. And after much fighting with the spare to get it out of the trunk, we discovered that we were unable to get the lug nuts off. So we called for a tow guy to come out and change out tire. Pathetic. I know. But we had no choice. It was cold, and windy, and THE LUG NUTS WOULD NOT BUDGE! We finally got to our place at 3:30 AM, this being after leaving home at 5:45 PM. Suck. I know.

So we skipped the first part of our business stuff for SLEEP. I got up around 11:30 and found out that the schedule had been changed and we needed to get ready to go quickly. The events that night were long but rewarding. I love being around those people. Sometimes these events are the only bright thing in a very dark month.

2 people close to us found out this weekend that we are moving in May. And were quite shocked that it was coming up that soon. It means we'll only see each of them 1 or 2 more times, and then we have no clue how long it will be. It's going to be hard. I'm used to seeing them at least once a month. It is still going to be hard not to have that fixture of complete joy in my life.

It was like clock-work. Once a month we'd travel to some location to be around like minded people who lifted us up and gave us hope. They let us know we were not alone, and that there are people out there like us. I'm sure we will find a similar situation in AZ, but I don't know if it will be the same. But I won't let go of the happiness. It's something everyone needs.

On Sunday we slept in a bit, played cards, and then headed to the zoo. 3 hours of walking around in the rain and I was in complete bliss with my hubby. All the stresses were melted away, and I came home truly relaxed.

Now I am working, my husband is packing, and we are counting down the days to our new lives in a land far away.

We knew it was coming...

My husband got the call last night letting him know that his assignment was over.

I expected it, but deep down I had hopped he'd get extended for an additional 3 weeks. We could have used the extra money.

So now he is without a job until we move. Unless the temp agency comes up with something for him. But we're not worried about him trying to find another job right now. He is going to be focusing on getting everything packed, sold, and cleaned.

Its good in a way, because it will take some of the stress off me. But I look at the financial side of things more than anything else. And any extra cash is always good to have. We are saving every dollar we can because we don't yet have jobs in AZ. I hope (and pray) that we find them quickly. Otherwise we might be making the long trip back to IL (that would stink).

Things are quickly falling into place. We have the truck rented. A hotel booked for our first week there. We've both been putting out our resumes like crazy. And these next few weeks should go fast.

This weekend we go to St. Louis for a business seminar. Next weekend is our nephew's first birthday, which I will have to miss to attend my Aunt's wedding in S. IL. The weekend after that we will be home. Then the weekend after that it's back to S. IL to see my CTBS (Closer Than Blood Sister) and her baby for the first time. Then it's Memorial Day weekend, and our goodbye party. And the weekend after that we load up the truck and head out west. Literally.

Whew. I'm tired just thinking about all the travel.

I think the hardest part is not knowing what will happen after June 1st. I mean yeah we have a hotel and I've looked at several apartments online. But we still don't have anything solid there. It's like everything leading up to moving is in a brightly lit tunnel, but after June 1st the tunnel is pitch black. Waiting for someone to turn the lights on. Or to at least walk by and alert the sensor.

I guess that someone will have to be me...

About my job...

For the most part I enjoy my job. I will in some ways be sad to have to leave it, but in other ways very happy.

Today I was reminded of why I'll be sad.

I don't make close friends easily. And I am horrible at keeping in touch with people. So I'm pretty sure that when I leave here I will manage to never speak to anyone here ever again. It's just how I've always been. It would take a lot of work on their par tot keep in touch. I think it partly has to do with me not feeling significant enough to be part of anyone's life. But that's another story.

Today one of my co-workers stopped by and offered to go buy me hot chocolate. That made me smile. People here are nice. Will I find another job where the people are this nice. You always hear horror stories of jobs. I count myself lucky to only have a few issues over the past 4 years.

I will be sad to leave. A lot of people have made this job enjoyable, and I wish there were someway for me to express my thanks, before I go.

Thoughts that constantly float around in my head

I've gone though a lot of emotions with this process. We found out in Mid-March that our best option would be to to move to AZ. This decision came about only 3 days after we had decided to wait at least another year before moving. But life throws you curve balls. And as the time has passed I feel more and more like this is the best time to move.

Of course there are times when I feel like we are making a huge mistake, but I assume that's natural. It's not like moving 1800 miles is an easy thing to do. Neither of us has family out west. And I think that's my biggest concern. I've always been near to family. When I was growing up we'd visit my grandparents almost monthly even though they lived 6 hours away. And I guess it's just really hard knowing that I wont be able to see them anytime I want. Now its going to take major planning to visit.

I know this is hard for my husband too, but he doesn't seem to have as many fears as I do.

Even so, I love the thought of moving there. I've lived in Illinois all my life (except my very early baby years when I was in Kentucky). And I am so very tired of snow. This past winter was really hard on me. Depression set in like I have never seen before, and I couldn't handle it. The longer winter held out the worse it got. It's sad to say but I had several nights of suicidal thoughts. So it's probably better that we leave before the next winter, I might not be able to make it through the next one. I'll be happy when snow is a choice not a lifestyle.

I live in the northern suburbs of Chicago, and I am not a city person. Give me some open land and I'll be pleased as punch all day long, lock me up in a city and it wont be long before I'm tearing my hair out. I'm hoping to be able to slow down once we get there. I'm tired of trying to keep up with everyone I've ever known.

I know it's going to be really tough leaving everyone and everything I know, but I really believe its for the best.

The Beginning

My husband and I are preparing to move from Illinois to Arizona at the end of May.

This blog is for me. I need a place to get my thoughts and feelings out as we journey from the Midwest to the West.

You're welcome to join me on this adventure.