the heart ache

There is a certain kind of life I want to have. I can picture it perfectly in my mind. I can feel it. I can see myself doing all the things that go along with it. But every time I think about it my heart aches. It aches because I have no friggin clue how to get it. I want it. I want it real bad. But how do I get it? Who do I even talk to to start figuring it out. There is so much involved. I mean the simplest way would be to acquire a large amount of money and buy it off someone. Which I don't want to do. I want to earn this. Blood sweat and tears. Even if I did buy it I still wouldn't have the know how to handle everything. I could guess. And I am pretty resourceful. But I'd probably end up just ruining everything. This isn't the sort of thing you can go to college for. No schooling would ever equal what hands on learning would do. I need a place to learn, to understand, and to get really dirty doing it. I think that's part of the reason I have no fears about moving. I know I can never get what my heart desires here. And the only hope I ever have of getting it, is to get there, and figure it out one day at a time.

I believe God doesn't give us desires for them to be ignored. This is something I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. Why has it taken me this long to go for it? So we are packing up, moving out, and starting a new life. I just hope that my heart can stop aching some day, someday soon.